Look at Me, Im Crying

This article: Look at me, Im crying is a beautiful insight into a a New York phenomenon. It reminded me of a NY moment that made a real impression on me. It wasnt me who was crying, but a lady on the bench next to me. For a little while I pretended not to notice her subtle sniffles or tear wipes, but then I decided to take off my "mask". I turned to her and said "Are you ok?" and as our eyes met I found myself overwhelmed with emotion. Tears instantly welled up in my eyes as she replied "No thank you. Im alright." We sat there silently for a few minutes more and I thought about how amazing it was that just that brief moment of letting myself connect with another human beingr could have such an effect on me. Sometimes in NY we forget that we are all real people with real lives passing each other anonymously. In that moment I was happy to be reminded. Thanks to Cup of Jo for the article.

I'm published!

Today, Overheard in New York published a quote I submitted! Warning! It's not for young eyes!

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That's the Official Word from the Gay Consulate, Anyway.
Chelsea guy #1: Okay, it's the next stop, we have to decide who's having sex with him this time.
Chelsea guy #2: Not me, I had sex with him last time.
Chelsea guy #3: No! I had sex with him last time!
Chelsea guy #2: Whatever, that was just a hand job. It didn't count.

--Uptown 1 Train
via Overheard in New York, Apr 9, 2010
***

True story.

Personal Hygiene 101

So, I spend a lot of time on the subway. Think about all the time you spend in your car, but then imagine that 100 strangers are in there with you. They breath your air and very often are so close that you are touching each other. I've gotten used to it over the years but there are certain things that people do on the train that I just cant get used to. The MAJOR thin that drives me bonkers is grooming. I can not stand it when people groom themselves on the train. It is so gross. I can deal with a lipstick touch up, but that's about as far as my patients runs. Examples of grooming I have witnessed that made my skin crawl:

1. Full on makeup application. From cover up, to powder, to ridiculously trying to apply mascara between stops. No one wants to see your "beauty" regime!
2. Nail clipping. This happens more often that you'd think. People just let the clippings fall right onto the floor. Eeeekkk! The particles!
3. Nail filling. More tolerable that clipping, but still repulsive. Again, the particles!
4. Nail painting. Um, NO! Subways cars are not well ventilated and those fumes stink!
4. Flossing. Yes, teeth flossing. Oh, this might be the nastiest. A toothpick is better, but still gross.
5. Hair brushing. No one wants another persons hair on them. Similarly, dont pick hairs off your clothes and them them fly into the air to land on someone else. EEeew!
6. Tweezing. Seriously?
7. Fragrance application. I dont care if its Lady Gaga's newest scent, I dont want to smell it! Again with the poor ventilation!

Ugh! Now that Im done with my rant, I beg of my fellow public transit commuters, keep your personal hygiene personal! Thanks.



** P.s. just after I wrote this I was searching for a picture to use and I found this article. Apparently the NY Times agrees :-)

Anything for "art"!

How did I miss this? It seems like just the kind of thing I would have encountered and then bitched about here. Maybe this explains everything! All weird, homeless, peeing, singing, farting subway riders are just part of a big Improv experiment. Yeah! Thats it! Anything for "art", right? But seriously- please watch some of their other videos, too. Hilarious.

I couldnt make this stuff up ...

Oh where to start. I guess I'll go chronologically. So first of all, I suffer from migraines. I blame YOU mom. Just kidding, but it does run in the family. Mine didnt start till around puberty, but lil' sis started getting them while still in elementary school. Poor thing. Anywho, they suck. I usually take a Migraine Excedrin as soon as I feel one coming on- but this time I delayed and it inevitably got worse. In addition to the Excedrin I always need a shoulder rub and a hot shower. But this morning I realized I was out of soap so no shower. I am also sans fiance at the moment so no back rub either.
Long story long- I ended up going to a Korean Massage parlor in a sketchy basement. It was out of pure desperation and also I only had ten dollars on me. This particular establishment is located below the laundromat near by the theater. It smelled slightly of cat and consisted of two rows of "beds" partitioned only by sheer curtains. I think I was supposed to undress- but yeah right. Ive heard about women contracting vaginal infections from tanning beds- so just imagine what I could have picked up there. All weird sketchiness aside- it was a great massage. I think I might have to go longer next time. Thats right, I said next time. Maybe I'll consider wearing a tank top and running shorts so she can at least use the lotion and not have to rub through my jeans and turtleneck.
So after the massage I was all relaxed and I headed towards the subway home. Now, if you've read any of my former posts on the subway- you know this post is about to get gross. A man was urinating in the corner of the platform. Not a homeless man, no. A US Post Man! In uniform! I couldnt believe it- although, you'd think by now Id be used to such things.
Then, while on the ride home this guy starting singing along (very loudly and very off key) to whatever song was on his ipod. Always annoying- but his particular song went something like this.... "Sex. Sex. Sex. It will make a baby. Sex. Sex. Sex. Some like it fast, some like it slow" So on and so forth. I just couldnt help myself and I started giggling. I couldnt stop- and when I made eye contact with another passenger who was giggling too, we both erupted in to uncontrollable laughter. Of course this just spurred the man on- but damn, it was so funny/ terrible!
Ah, just another day in NYC. I mean- I couldnt make this stuff up if I tried.

Bog of Eternal Stench

First I want to mention this SNL skit:



Too funny. (even though all of those shows are either long gone or not even closing.)

Anywho- NYC is so gross. Sure there are a few streets not spotted with dog shit, but I rarely walk down them. Only when traveling near a museum or Central Park, but then again, many Central Park sidewalks have horse shit. So basically what Im saying is odds are you have to constantly dodge shit. Then theres the garbage. I have literally watched people just toss their empty soda can on the ground. Eric has taken to confronting litterers, but Im not that brave. They may shiv me. If the trash and shit isnt nasty enough, then you have homeless people. If you have never smelled "homeless" you cant even imagine the stench. They smell like what I imagine the Labyrinth's "Bog of Eternal Stench" smells like. Im not exaggerating. Not only are the homeless people gross- so are many of the "regular" inhabitants. Yesterday while walking down the subway platform the man in front of me seriously stopped, squatted a little, let out an enormous fart, then continued on as if nothing had happened. Ugh! Oh my god- it was awful. I was in his direct path! Did he do that maliciously do you think? Was he aiming for me? Did he get some sort of obscene pleasure out of farting on me? Probably.